New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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