how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
