BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
