I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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