youre lurking in front of me
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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