Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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