i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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