Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
