not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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