Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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