She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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