at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
