life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
