his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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