THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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