So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize