Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you

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(360): View more from Washington

we are all sexual creatures

(951): View more from California

yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.

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(713): View more from Texas

Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight

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(972): View more from Texas

It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?

(1-617): View more from Massachusetts

Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend

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(802): View more from Vermont

you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.

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(928): View more from Arizona

note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea

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(416): View more from Toronto

well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.

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