apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
