idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Too much gin, very little bucket
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
