Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
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What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
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And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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