You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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