Cold hands, warm shart.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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