ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
