Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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