I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just invented taco cereal.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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