Porn is love you can see.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
