11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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