Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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