dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
