Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
