I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
