I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
