wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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