You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
