Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
