My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You can't motorboat a personality
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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