In the future we'll all be gay
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
