He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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