does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
