i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
