literally had 100 drinks last night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
