my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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