i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
