no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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