Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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