Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(681): View more from West Virginia

Where are I am going home with Ryan

(601): View more from Mississippi

I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it

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(214): View more from Texas

Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.

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(509): View more from Washington

I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.

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(630): View more from Illinois

You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom

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