he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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