I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
