Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
