I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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