at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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