Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
