i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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