Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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