if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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