At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i now understand why vodka
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
