wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
