i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
