the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
