and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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