So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
