nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
