Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
